Surviving Infidelity: Keys to Surviving, Overcoming and Coping with the Affair

Surviving Infidelity: Keys to Surviving, Overcoming and Coping with the Affair

5 Steps (shifts) for Recovering from and Surviving Infidelity

Surviving infidelity and an affair IS possible.

It may not feel that way if you've recently discovered the infidelity of your spouse or partner. If you just discovered the affair or the suspicions of infidelity are so strong they are driving you crazy, you know what I'm talking about.

Surviving may seem an appropriate word. It feels like emotional, sometimes physical survival. The pain and fear can be excruciating and debilitating. It strikes at the core of who you are, or thought you were.

Surviving an affair and infidelity means you make shifts in your thinking. You see, there are many common misconceptions and myths about surviving infidelity that make surviving an affair and the healing and recovering from infidelity much much more difficult.

And, as you being to make the shifts, you begin to survive the affair, begin to feel relief and a new confidence in your ability to say and do exactly what you must to not merely survive infidelity but know what you can do to possibly stop the affair, begin your healing process and perhaps save your marriage or relationship.

Surviving Infidelity Shift #1: Avoid the Killer Mistakes Most Make to Prolong the Affair and their Misery

A shift most have to make in surviving infidelity is how they initially approach their cheating husband or cheating wife.


This free e-course begins shaping your thinking in a way that gives you the first steps of change that will give you the personal power you need in surviving and eventually overcoming and thriving through the infidelity and affair.

For example you will shift away from:

* saying I love you.. and know exactly why you are doing that
* suggesting counseling...and know exactly why this doesn't work
* saying you've changed...and be able to see the positive impact on him/her of NOT using this phrase
* and more....

Surviving infidelity Shift #2: You can NOT DIRECLTY stop the affair.

Surviving infidelity and an affair means shifting away from the effort and thought that you can stop the affair.

Trying to stop the affair directly is often a recipe for disaster. Sorry, that's the bad news.

The good news: Many often stop the affair by using "indirect" strategies and tactics.

These often work, to the surprise of the offended spouse or partner.

For example you will learn the powerful strategy of "backing off" when applied to a "My Marriage Made Me Do It" type of affair.


Surviving infidelity Shift #3: Overcoming the Stigma and Isolation of being the "Wounded Spouse"

Another shift in surviving infidelity is to reach out. Yes, it's often difficult, at least in the initial states of infidelity discovery to seek out the support and encouragement of others. But, many find this necessary, at least in the beginning hours and days, in surviving infidelity and the affair.

It seems most unreasonable, but many initially feel embarrassment and humiliation when their spouse is found having an affair.

They don't want to tell anyone. (They also think that if the affair stops and the marriage is mended, it would be most helpful NOT to have others know what happened.

And so, many suffer in silence or make knee-jerk, uninformed decisions that harm the process.

Resources are available for you here.


Surviving infidelity Shift #4: Knowledge becomes Power

Surviving infidelity means you seek out knowledge. And, this knowledge will generate shifts in your thinking about infidelity and affairs that will give you new found courage, power and hope.

Affairs are exceeding complex. Did you know that? The grocery check out stands don't convey the complexity of affair relationships.

There are different types of affairs. Did you know that?

Surviving infidelity is often dependent on knowing exactly what you need to say and do in terms of the specific kind of affair facing you. Along with the 7 types of affairs, I outline specific strategies and tactics to use with each type of affair.

Warning: Using a strategy for one type of affair may work but may be disaster when used for a different type of affair.

Surviving infidelity Shift #5: Learn how to make the right decisions.

Making decisions is crucial to surviving infidelity or an affair. And all sorts of decision-making situations surround you.

For example, to truly save the marriage, if that is what you want to do, it is imperative first of all to entertain seriously the question, should you stay or should you go? Or, should s/he stay? Or, should s/he go?

Perhaps you never thought in those terms. Or, perhaps, you don't WANT to think in those terms.

You must also ask the question: "Do I truly want to save the marriage (want to be married to him/her) or am I wanting the marriage for my own personal needs?" Huge difference (your cheating spouse will intuitively know). Take some time with this one before major decisions and strategies are formulated.

Surviving infidelity and an affair in a healthy proactive manner, forces you to shift your thinking, uncomfortable at first, and give you the greatest potential for resolving the crisis, restoring your sanity and perhaps saving the marriage...

..it pertains to all human alike..
.. click here now to continue reading

Surviving Infidelity

Avoiding Emotional Adultery

High school chemistry taught me a very valuable lesson: When certain substances come into close contact, they can form a chemical reaction. I proved that one day during my senior year of high school when I dropped a jar full of pure sodium off a bridge into a river and nearly blew up the bridge!

What I've learned since then is that many people don't respect the laws of chemistry any more than I did as a teenager. They mix volatile ingredients without giving much thought to the consequences. I've discovered that many married people don't understand that a chemical reaction can occur with someone other than their mates.

Don't misunderstand me — I'm not just talking about sexual attraction. I'm referring to a reaction of two hearts, the chemistry of two souls.

This is emotional adultery — an intimacy with the opposite sex outside of marriage. Emotional adultery is unfaithfulness of the heart. When two people begin talking of intimate struggles, doubts or feelings, they may be sharing their souls in a way that God intended exclusively for the marriage relationship. Emotional adultery is friendship with the opposite sex that has progressed too far.

I have looked into the eyes of many men and women who have fallen into full-fledged adultery, and what I saw made me nauseous. As I've talked with them, I've discovered that, in most cases, the adulterous relationships started as a casual relationship at work, school, even church.

A husband talks with a female co-worker over coffee and shares some struggles he's experiencing with his wife or kids. She tells of similar problems, and soon the emotions ricochet so rapidly that their hearts ignite and ultimately become fused as one. To those who have experienced it, this bonding seems too real to deny.

You may be converging on a chemical reaction with another person when:

You've got a need you feel your mate isn't meeting — a need for attention, approval, or affection.

You find it easier to unwind with someone other than your spouse by dissecting the day's difficulties over lunch, coffee, a ride home?or through E-mail correspondence on the Internet.

You begin to talk about problems you're having with your spouse.

You rationalize the "rightness" of this relationship by saying that surely it must be God's will to talk openly and honestly with a fellow Christian.

You look forward to being with this person.

You wonder what you'd do if you didn't have this friend to talk with.

You hide the relationship from your mate.

When you find yourself connecting with another person as a substitute, you've started traveling a road that ends too often in adultery and divorce. But how do you protect yourself to keep this from occurring?

First, know your boundaries.

Put fences around your heart to protect sacred ground, reserved only for your spouse. Barbara and I are careful to share our deepest feelings, needs, and difficulties only with each other.

Second, realize the power of your eyes.

As it has been said, your eyes are the windows to your soul. Pull the shades down if you sense someone is pausing a little too long in front of your windows.

I realize that good eye contact is necessary for effective conversation, but there's a deep type of look that must be reserved for your spouse.


....... does this means that men are really polygamous by nature?..
...click here now for more article to read...